Negative People

Negative People

​I was at dinner the other night with a couple of friends and the topic of negative people arose.
Though we saw it differently, we were unanimous on a couple of things:
We all know at least one negative person
We are all impacted by them
​The problem with negative people is not just the negativity but the fact they have to share it. There seems to be an overwhelming need to let us know how they feel – whether we want to or not. We get so used to hearing their views on how bad things are or why an idea can’t possibly work that we get lulled into their doom and gloom before we realise it.
And that’s fundamental to why negativity is so hard to be around.
It spreads quickly, affects us and ultimately others we come into contact with.

We all have that one person in particular, whether it’s a friend or work colleague who just sees the worst in every situation. That person who manages to pour cold water over our ideas or describes in detail why it can’t possibly work. We know it’s bad because the minute they walk in the room we find we are mentally bracing ourselves for the next miserable onslaught.

What can we do?
How can we protect ourselves so we don’t get dragged into it?

We can start by taking a deep breath and allowing ourselves to stand in our positive beliefs about who we are and what we believe. We also need to know that people can only impact us if we let them.
We need to stay true to ourselves and be happy with what we think and believe.
No one has the right to take our peace of mind away, and every time we allow them to continue throwing shadows on our moment in the sun, we need to take action.
Sounds like it should work, right?
Well, I have to tell you, it’s challenging and confronting.
But after thousands of attempts I’ve come up with a way that seems to work for me:

  • Tell them I’ve heard them
  • State my opinion
  • When they cut me off or try to dissuade me
  • Remind them I’ve heard them
  • Restate my opinion
  • Inform them I respect their view, but I’m sticking with mine

If they continue, I’ve found the best way is to ask them if we can talk about it more fully.
Then I let them know their view on things (negativity) is of concern, and check if they’re ok?
Were they aware that is how they usually behave, and the affect they are having on me and/or others is profound?
That’s usually enough to bring them up short. Sometimes negative people have become so entrenched in their view of the world they’re not cognisant of the fact they’re holding the rest of us to ransom with their doom and gloom approach.
We can’t change them, but we can refuse to be drawn into the black well of despair about, well about everything.
We have more power than we realise, we don’t have to be captive to someone’s miserable unending approach to life.

For those of us who see things in a positive light, this is especially true as we are more sensitive to it. We need to protect ourselves from them specifically because:

  • When we know we are going to see them, our heart sinks a little
  • When we are in the room with them, we just want to leave as soon as possible
  • When we are discussing them, or something involving them, we feel less positive
  • When we know we are about to inform them of something, we brace ourselves

For us to have aligned with these statements means we are dealing with negative people.

Our instinct is never wrong. We must trust that how we feel reflects what we are experiencing. Dealing with a negative person is life draining and difficult. We need to value ourselves more and believe in who we are, and maybe limit our exposure to them.

Do you have a negative person you are dealing with?
How are you managing?
Please know, you are not alone

Feel free to like, share or comment.
As always, if you have any topics you would like me to write on, please just ask.

Gloria Masters
Gloria Masters
[email protected]
No Comments

Post A Comment

Help us to keep Handing the Shame Back

I am an author and advocate for all things adult survivors of #csa experience, and am working hard to provide information and resource to support them. Though it is a privilege to do this work, I also need to pay the wonderful team around me, as well as myself. Please donate so we can keep Handing the Shame Back.