01 Aug The Law of Allowing
It has 3 parts to it:
2. Ask if they will do the same for you
3. Allow what happens in your life to be what it is
Should be easy and straightforward, right?
Yeah, Nah – not really.
Not many of us do it that well because though it sounds simple, the reality is challenging.
But here’s the Aha moment, once you become aware of it working in your life, you can’t become unaware of it and so it becomes a thing.
The problem with allowing others to be who they are is just annoying. Though we mean well, it’s a struggle when they keep making silly mistakes or not listening to our profound ideas and wisdom. Why can’t they be what we want them to be? Why can’t they just fit into our perception of them nicely, like a snuggly pair of Ugg boots. Why can’t they just live their lives the way we think is best for them? Because they are them and we are we, and they think differently, have a perception of the world that is unique to them and ultimately need to be true to that.
What’s frustrating about that is letting go. Letting go of our idea of what is right for them and trying to change that which we can’t. The law of allowing means letting people be who they are, whether we like it or not. We get grumpy partly because we’re human and therefore imperfect, and partly because we are trying to control our world, so we feel more comfortable in it. Ouch! Are we really that insecure and controlling?
We really are.
Lightbulb moment: We can’t change anybody ever. We can only change our view of them.
The Second part of Allowing is asking people to allow us to be who we are. And that is where we need to circle back up to the last 2 paragraphs, as they will have the exact same process we do around accepting them for who they are. Nervous gulp, sweaty hands. They won’t always get us, appreciate or see us for the amazing people we are. We need to accept that as we can’t make them see us the way we want them to. We can still love them and value them, but we can also choose more wisely about how much of our time we spend with them.
Spoiler Alert – You’ll know if you’re among people who allow you to be you, because they will ‘lift’ you and make you feel appreciated and valued.
The final part of this Law, is Allowing what happens in our lives to be what it is. This is my personal favourite, simply because I still haven’t mastered it. I want to control it, grapple with it and wrestle it to the ground like a sheep during shearing season. Logically allowing what appears in our lives makes sense. We need to accept what is, change what we can and allow the rest to unfold precisely as it needs to. Emotionally, we will struggle to accept reality at times, because we DON’T like it.
That’s ok, I’ll allow that. Quiet chuckle.
I have learnt, that when I look back I’ve usually wasted so much time and energy struggling against it and it was always going to be what it was anyway! Most of the time it all worked out in the end. Not always the way I would have chosen, but in a way that made me grow. Reluctantly, but still.
I came across this quote a few years back and have always found strength in it especially when things don’t go my way.
Disappointment is just God’s way of saying ‘I have something better in mind for you’ – author unknown.
Maybe there’s something to that.
Maybe in the Allowing, we find something we weren’t expecting to, even more depth to who we are.
How good are you at allowing others to be themselves?
Do you practise the law of allowing?
Would it be worth trying?
Please let me know if there is a topic you would like me to write on.