Being triggered

20 Apr Being triggered

The known facts about being triggered are these:
We don’t know when they’re going to occur, or how they will occur.
This means is that we cannot prepare for that which we can’t know.

These triggers can appear through sight – something visual may remind us of the abuse, or smell, something being cooked at the time of the abuse occurring. Basically, anything that involves one or some of the five senses could trigger a memory or experience of the abuse we suffered.
There is nothing we can do to stop that.

What people don’t always realise is that we can end up with the impact of this throughout our day, week or month, without any respite. It’s difficult for those supporting us to know what to do, without making it worse.
What we do know, only too well, is the impact on us of these triggers and what emerges in us as a result. This could be anything but involve anxiety or depression making us feel worse and less able to cope.
We need to remember that these are all very real experiences and can have us back at the scene feeling like the child we were at that time.

In the struggle to manage it a consequence becomes, those closest to us get lost in trying to be there for us, all they can see is that we aren’t coping.
But we need to remember, there is hope. There are ways we can control the situation and the support we get, but it means finding our voices at a time when we are feeling no confidence to do so.

One of the key things is to use I statements; this could be something like, ‘I need you to hold me’, or ‘I need you to take me for a walk’ or ‘I need you to just listen to me’.
It doesn’t much matter what you need, the important thing is that you convey what you need to the person or people who are trying to support you. They won’t know otherwise, and in the guessing of that could get it quite wrong. So, finding your voice is important. The second thing to do is to take pressure off yourself and only do what is required of you at that time or during that day. Now is not the time to push yourself to the limit or be the overachiever you probably are.
Now is the time to soften down, be gentle, be kind to self, and treat yourself with grace.

Keep in mind that when you are triggered you are not your highly functioning adult self you are more reflective of the child you were when being abused. This will be hard to accept because you are still required to function as an adult, which can feel almost impossible. While we are on that, another crucial point is, please don’t isolate yourself or be alone while you are triggered!
Have your loved one or support person nearby so they can be with you and provide what you need during those moments.
Reason: the abuse occurred while you were alone, and we don’t want you feeling worse.

By giving to yourself in a loving and consistent way, by understanding that you need nurturing and gentleness, you are more likely to move through these triggers in a way that will help your healing and have your safety assured.

The person or people who support you are privileged to understand what it is you are trying to manage, after all they love you and want you to be safe and secure.
So perhaps it is on you to let them.