Being Believed

20 Jan Being Believed

One of the hallmarks of being a survivor can come with the experience of not being believed. This appears in many forms but usually begins with
Are you Sure?
He or She seemed so nice.
This leads to feelings of confusion, fear and sometimes anger.
All are valid.

I wish survivors speaking out came with a clause that whoever they shared this with had to accept and believe unconditionally the truth they are hearing.
It is unfair, wrong and oh so typical of enablers and others, to have this attitude, but more importantly it is devastating to survivors.

Not only have we had to survive the abuse and carry on with life, acting as though all is fine, we now have the added indignity of people judging, disbelieving, and even challenging our truth. This can all feel a step too far, and the reason for that, is because it is!
We have summoned up the courage of a lion, to ever reveal what happened to us.
We have had to practice and practice over and over, the words we would use, and determine the people we would share this with, and for what?
To not be believed?

For some survivors who were believed, the relief is palpable, and the overwhelming weight being lifted, is indescribable, and rightly so. This should be afforded all survivors. This is a basic human right. This needs to happen everywhere.
The power in the simple statement ‘I believe you’ is cyclonic in its impact.

For those of us who did not experience this, please know: People cannot always be what we wish they were, their own insecurities through fear, anxiety or sometimes ill intent, is not ours to carry, and though we feel we are carrying the biggest load, theirs is even bigger.
Bear with.

They are holding the truth within them, they must face into not standing by you or supporting you. They are therefore carrying this day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and the person they are most responsible to in all of this, is not who you think. It’s not you.
It’s the person who looks back at them in the mirror every day.
Can you imagine how horrifying it must be to live with a lie of that depth, and know you have the power to change it? Can you visualise the torture of living a false life, of them knowing you are suffering because of them?
Make no mistake what they are dealing with is more hell, than hell itself.

You, on the other hand are free, you have told the truth, you have released the enormous experience from within you to a person or persons. This means you are now able to live your life with the joy and wisdom you’ve always held within you, perhaps hidden till now.
Life will have been hard as a survivor, but as you slowly and carefully honour yourself by holding deep self-belief, you will be led one step at a time to the real you, the person you were always meant to be.
I understand the trauma of not being believed, and the courage it takes to traverse the betrayal, pain, and sadness that others willingly heaped upon you. I also understand the possibility of healing, growth and love that awaits you, now you recognise that other’s behaviour is not a reflection on you, rather it says everything about them.

Stand strong my survivor friends, you have within you the power to see the world differently, the power of knowing you are believed by me, you are worthy and so much of your life is yet to unfold in a beautiful way, you can’t even begin to imagine it. Yet.

I believe you. Always.